Monday, July 19, 2010

No I am not in a mood to actually think of a title.

Another night. Another hill. This time I am closer to home though. Closer to my people. Its peaceful here.

It wasn't, in the city. With its harsh lights and sounds. The magic potions which would make you forget, atleast for a while. The clinks and thumps and smokes and high pitched uncontrollable laughter. The fake dreams and lost causes. Lost causes.

Even the night was unforgiving. With its tales of unrequitted love and futility of life. Amidst slow blues. Ugly. Sometimes I wish I could never have been able to appreciate the blues. Life would have been easier.

And still I slept with a stupid smile. Was it the blues or was I laughing upon myself?

Lost causes. Was I running behind all the wrong things? I nearly lost my people because of it. I nearly lost my home. I didn't. My people took care that I didn't. Thank God for old friends.
Not long ago my friend had threatened me- You try as hard as you can to hide from us, but rest assured we will find you.

I bank on that threat.

Today I wished that my life would be a bollywood movie. That they would understand. That I would jump onto my superbike and ride into the sunset. That I could make everyone happy.

Turns out it isn't. They let me go, but I end up jumping inside a Rickshaw. And it refuses to take me on. I end up not getting the girl. My playlist ends up queuing all the wrong songs. I end up hurting others and getting hurt in the process. And I end up puking in front of all the wrong people.

I guess we are not the swaggering, strutting heroes afterall. We are little people, you and I. With little dreams and little ambitions and little insecurities which seem colossal to us. And my dream is always bigger than yours. The pangs of unrequited... whatever.
Little people...!

Someday, these blues will end and some others will begin. In the grossly imperfect movie that is my life, all is not well, and never will be. And I have gladly come to terms with that. Thank God I can appreciate the blues.

It might be the blues, or it might be the subconcious me laughing upon myself.

But I guess I will sleep with a stupid smile tonight.

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