2.5 million male Chipmunks die every year because of the following.

So, there was this Chipmunk who ate one too many nuts one day and started constipating. Chipmunks are greedy creatures. So constipation is not a new thing for them. Something like flu for us. Hence the wise ones generally pace themselves while eating. But sadly, the Chipmunk in this story, as you will infer as it unfolds, was not a very wise Chipmunk. Anyway, so the Chipmunk got constipated.

The Chipmunk started running around from tree to tree trying to find a suitable solution while making some obvious and unmentionable pit stops. Unlike humans, Chipmunks dont have doctors among them, which, in his time of need, our Chipmunk found frustrating. So the poor Chipmunk went around looking for some respite. Any respite. But sadly, it was not to be.

Suddenly, through a clearing, he saw a She-Chipmunk nibbling on a nut. Now, nibbling for Chipmunks is an especially attractive activity. Our Chipmunk, moreover was a big fan. So, forgetting his constipation, the brave but foolish Chipmunk presented himself before the fine young She-Chipmunk.

The fine young She-Chipmunk looked up fro her nibbling and saw our unlikely hero standing in front of her. Like all fine young She-Chipmunks, she batted her Chipmunk eyelashes, waved her Chipmunk tail and twiddled her Chipmunk incisors. Then she broke a piece of the nut she was eating, and offered it to our brave, foolish but incredibly lucky Chipmunk. Incredibly lucky because, among Chipmunks, these gestures mean some serious action. Anyway, back to the story.

Our brave, foolish but incredibly lucky Chipmunk saw the piece of nut and grew elated. He moved ahead to take it. But at that exact moment, his stomach, gave a huge rumble of disagreement. Suddenly, our poor Chipmunk managed to position himself in one of the worst dilemmas possible for the Chipmunk-kind. As the fine young She-Chipmunks incisors twiddled faster, his stomach rumbled harder. Our poor little Chipmunk started sweating.

He looked up and prayed for some miracle.

And suddenly, through all the chaos, the Chipmunk's pulmonary artery imploded and he died. Oh, he had a weak heart.

And then they all live happily ever after.

Moral- There are a very few wise Chipmunks in this world.

Never again.

I made to to-do list today. Its funny how sometimes out of all that you want to do, there's only a few things you can write down. Even to yourself. You're just kidding yourself sometimes. A friend told me today that hope was a dangerous thing. I laughed aloud. Hope is that closed door which is the only way out. Hope is that monster under your bed. Hope is a reflex.

You reach halfway through a novel and you realise that its just like your life and then all you want to do is open the last page. You're constantly in search of that happy ending. And then a happier one. We resurface from our ignorance with the apparent realisation of what we want in life only to submerge back. We're gluttons. Thats what we are. And all that is good and beautiful in this world is waiting to be devoured. One fine morning we're all going to wake up and realise that life is not a storybook. Life is not a song. Life is just...life.

I just hope to be more coherent.

The morning after.

But you feel like shit, the morning after.

Pissedofflazyrant.

I would be a better man if I would wake up earlier than I do now. I would be a better man if I would run five miles and eat right and read a book a week. Or two. Maybe three. I would then feel so much better about myself than I do now so much that I would not try to be a better man anymore.

I would then paint the most beautiful painting in the world and learn how to play the blues on the harmonica in three and a half hours. I would look at everyone and smile, for I'd be a better man. I'd never fall sick and kick ass at white water rafting and do parkour on the streets of Rio de Janiero while simultaneously eating caesar salad with the right fork. I would come home earlier and show my brother all the animated movies I'd gotten for him and get groceries for mom and check whether the mangoes were really good before buying them.

I would be a better man if I would move on. And stop thinking about it. If I would do ten more pushups and not think too much about the two fluorescent green eyeballs I saw under the bed a while ago. With an orange pupil on the left and blue on the right eye. Or was in the other way round. I would hold doors open for strangers and own a black mask and cape in a secret subterranean vault under my room.

I would be a better man if I would get up earlier than I do now.

Thats why I do not want to be a better man.

Ask me again tomorrow.

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Better.